Sunday, August 7, 2011
Untangling.
Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed?
I would not consider this one of my emotional moments. Rather I would consider this a moment to pour out feelings.
Half a year has gone and I'll be off to America in a year's time. My life feels like it's sped up quicker than I thought and my lack of extra curricular posts back in high school has made me an extreme high achiever in college, taking up all the committee posts I could have gotten back then.
I know that quantity does not make up for quality in testimonials but there's this desire that makes me want to do more of what I have not done before. As a result, my time management is crazily imbalance, I wake up wondering what I have not done yet and what's due even though I'm on semester break.
I am not naturally kiasu. In fact, I'm self-contented with many things in life and I'm the kind that wouldn't push the extra mile if it's unnecessary. But every time I felt satisfied with where I stand, the moment I see a close friend of mine being a lot better than me, I feel so unsatisfied with where I'm standing.
Sure, tell me not to compare, tell me to be happy with where I am, but my personality has grown to where if I'm not the best, I don't know who else will be. I have been inferior to everyone else all my life, it's time for me to just break out of this shell.
It's funny how I know what's bad for me yet I continue to dwell in it. I am unfortunately motivated by negative emotions like pressure and stress to excel, the way most Asian kids grow up. I could have been different, I could have learned to have fun. I've been disappointed way too much with my social life, that I decided that I should just stick to being anti-social.
Most of the time I want to be found when I'm alone.
annatanzyilyn ♥ 10:27 PM.
